Miscarriage Sucks

Goodness! I just don't know where to start with this. I guess the beginning...

I had a Ob/Gyn appointment scheduled for last Wednesday, the 8th, to see what was going on. We had been trying for 6 months and no results. Because my period was due to start in only 2 days, I thought I should take a pregnancy test that morning....just in case. I was sitting on the bathroom floor waiting for the test to process. It looked like nothing had come of it, so I stood up to throw it away. That's when I noticed the faintest pink line. Positive! I was so excited! It was super early, but positive was positive.

It was so early, in fact, that the urine test at the doctor's office was negative. They drew blood to test for sure and called me the following morning to tell me that I was definitely pregnant and that my progesterone levels were FABULOUS!

Morning Routine & Some Thoughts on Miscarriage

Lately, the first thing I do in the morning is pee on one of these:

In case you're not familiar, it's an ovulation test. We're trying to start a family and these little testers really help with our timing. 

So that's what I do. Get up, pee on a tester, make coffee...for the last 3 months.

Josh and I got married in March and we knew we wanted to start a family right away. We got really lucky and conceived just a week after the wedding. We were ECSTATIC! First try! Yes! 

But then, on Mother's Day, I lost the baby. I know that these things happen and we didn't do anything wrong, but we were devastated just the same. I've never felt more like a failure. Even with my husband by my side, I felt alone. The doctors and nurses were very reassuring. Apparently, 1 in 3 pregnancies end in miscarriage. It's so common! It just doesn't seem like women talk about it. It's painful to talk about. We don't want others to think we did something wrong. I didn't want to talk about it. My heart was broken. I felt silly. My baby was the size of a raspberry! I shouldn't have been so attached, right? But I was. I couldn't help it. All I've ever wanted to be was a mommy! It's what I'm meant to be. At 32, I thought I was finally getting my chance! I had a D & C, I celebrated my 33 birthday the following week. Hopefully, I will get another chance.

We started trying again as soon as we got the go-ahead from my doctor. I wanted to share with you guys because, even though it's hard, I think it's important. I don't want women to continue to feel as alone as I did.

So here we are. Month 3. Maybe I'll have some good news to share with you soon.