Pregnancy // 1st Trimester

I'm still here, you guys! I took a little unplanned hiatus. Turns out 1st trimester fatigue actually equals total and complete exhaustion. I'm so thankful and excited to be in my 2nd trimester of pregnancy and actually have enough energy to blog. Today I just want to catch you up on what's been going on with me and I kind of wanted to document the first trimester. I know I'll want to remember what it was like when we plan for the next baby! 

I'm going to start at week 5, because the only symptom I had before that was super sore boobs! That still hasn't subsided! I was also completely exhausted until about week 14. I'm so lucky to have a job that allowed me to work an extremely abbreviated schedule. I don't know how woman work full time in the beginning of pregnancy! Seriously, you ladies are superheroes!

Week 5 

✦ Craved milk, whole milk, like crazy! 

Week 6

✦ Nauseated around the clock 

✦ Grossed out by most smells 

✦ Couldn't even THINK about drinking milk!

I also had my first ultrasound that week and got to see this little button (the baby is the bottom blob) and were excited and relieved to hear the heartbeat! With my previous pregnancies, we never got to hear a heartbeat.

3 days later I had some spotting and nearly lost my mind with worry! They did another ultrasound and the baby was just fine. I have a septate uterus. It's like the septum that divides your nostrils, only it divides my uterus. The bleeding was coming from one side and the baby's heart was beating away on the other. You'd be surprised how different the baby looked in just 3 days, but it went from blog to seahorse. Of course, that convinced me that we were having a mermaid. Sadly, they didn't send me home with any photographic proof!

Weeks 7-9 

✦ Nauseated 24 hours a day

✦ Couldn't stand the smell of coffee and had to stop drinking it 

✦ Varied from day to day what I could stomach 

✦ Craved meat but couldn't stand to smell it cooking

✦ Ice cream and donut always sounded good (but not together)

✦ Still couldn't drink milk

✦ Everything I drank had to be ice cold

Week 10-12

✦ Spring pollen kicked in and I couldn't tell if I was less nauseous or if I just felt so bad in my sinuses that I didn't notice it as much

I had my nuchal scan ultrasound in week 12 and they measured the fluid in the back of the baby's neck to check for neural tube defects. Everything was fine and it was so exciting to see the baby moving around so much. The baby completely turned around and snuggled in while we watched!

Did you guys know that your not done with the first trimester until about 13 1/2 weeks? Sneaky 40 week gestation! 

Weeks 13-14

✦  Finally becoming less nauseated and not as exhausted! 

✦ Started showing instead of just looking chubby in the middle 

✦ I think I felt the baby flip over too, but just one time so far!

I have to tell you, I think the 2nd trimester is where it's at. I don't have tons of extra energy or anything. I just relieved to feel relatively normal! I'll be 16 weeks tomorrow and I have a doctor's appointment this week. Sadly, I don't get my next ultrasound for another month so I'll be waiting impatiently to find out gender! Place your bets now!

By the way, don't worry that my blog will turn into a pregnancy-only blog. While it will be monopolizing my time in the near future, I also have a lot of non-pregnancy related projects that I want to share with you soon (and need to finish before the baby arrives)!

Shouting from the Rooftop // Pink Lines & Prayers

I said I was going to shout it from the rooftops and I am! I'm not even late yet, but it is confirmed!

I'M HAVING A BABY!

Miscarriage Sucks

Goodness! I just don't know where to start with this. I guess the beginning...

I had a Ob/Gyn appointment scheduled for last Wednesday, the 8th, to see what was going on. We had been trying for 6 months and no results. Because my period was due to start in only 2 days, I thought I should take a pregnancy test that morning....just in case. I was sitting on the bathroom floor waiting for the test to process. It looked like nothing had come of it, so I stood up to throw it away. That's when I noticed the faintest pink line. Positive! I was so excited! It was super early, but positive was positive.

It was so early, in fact, that the urine test at the doctor's office was negative. They drew blood to test for sure and called me the following morning to tell me that I was definitely pregnant and that my progesterone levels were FABULOUS!

Morning Routine & Some Thoughts on Miscarriage

Lately, the first thing I do in the morning is pee on one of these:

In case you're not familiar, it's an ovulation test. We're trying to start a family and these little testers really help with our timing. 

So that's what I do. Get up, pee on a tester, make coffee...for the last 3 months.

Josh and I got married in March and we knew we wanted to start a family right away. We got really lucky and conceived just a week after the wedding. We were ECSTATIC! First try! Yes! 

But then, on Mother's Day, I lost the baby. I know that these things happen and we didn't do anything wrong, but we were devastated just the same. I've never felt more like a failure. Even with my husband by my side, I felt alone. The doctors and nurses were very reassuring. Apparently, 1 in 3 pregnancies end in miscarriage. It's so common! It just doesn't seem like women talk about it. It's painful to talk about. We don't want others to think we did something wrong. I didn't want to talk about it. My heart was broken. I felt silly. My baby was the size of a raspberry! I shouldn't have been so attached, right? But I was. I couldn't help it. All I've ever wanted to be was a mommy! It's what I'm meant to be. At 32, I thought I was finally getting my chance! I had a D & C, I celebrated my 33 birthday the following week. Hopefully, I will get another chance.

We started trying again as soon as we got the go-ahead from my doctor. I wanted to share with you guys because, even though it's hard, I think it's important. I don't want women to continue to feel as alone as I did.

So here we are. Month 3. Maybe I'll have some good news to share with you soon.