Lately, the first thing I do in the morning is pee on one of these:
In case you're not familiar, it's an ovulation test. We're trying to start a family and these little testers really help with our timing.
So that's what I do. Get up, pee on a tester, make coffee...for the last 3 months.
Josh and I got married in March and we knew we wanted to start a family right away. We got really lucky and conceived just a week after the wedding. We were ECSTATIC! First try! Yes!
But then, on Mother's Day, I lost the baby. I know that these things happen and we didn't do anything wrong, but we were devastated just the same. I've never felt more like a failure. Even with my husband by my side, I felt alone. The doctors and nurses were very reassuring. Apparently, 1 in 3 pregnancies end in miscarriage. It's so common! It just doesn't seem like women talk about it. It's painful to talk about. We don't want others to think we did something wrong. I didn't want to talk about it. My heart was broken. I felt silly. My baby was the size of a raspberry! I shouldn't have been so attached, right? But I was. I couldn't help it. All I've ever wanted to be was a mommy! It's what I'm meant to be. At 32, I thought I was finally getting my chance! I had a D & C, I celebrated my 33 birthday the following week. Hopefully, I will get another chance.
We started trying again as soon as we got the go-ahead from my doctor. I wanted to share with you guys because, even though it's hard, I think it's important. I don't want women to continue to feel as alone as I did.
So here we are. Month 3. Maybe I'll have some good news to share with you soon.
Kate, As an OB nurse for the last 20 years, it is unbelievable just how many pregnancies end in miscarriage. It is not unusual to see at least one miscarriage in a patients history. Usually, studies show, that there was something wrong in the way the baby was growing or a significant DNA misfire. All that said, of course you would be connected to your child that early. The baby was a part of you. No matter how small, or long it was in this world, you were and are its mother. Hang in there and keep trying...and don't be afraid or feel foolish for mourning your child. Sending love and prayers your way, Sherrie
ReplyDeleteThanks, Sherrie. I can't tell how much that helps. Love you!
DeleteAww! I hope you have your little blessing soon, and when you do, it'll be that much more special. Best of luck to you too.
ReplyDeleteKate, I am so sorry this happened to you. I pray one day you will get to have that baby.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Katie! I'll take all the prayers I can get. :)
DeleteI am so so sorry to hear about your loss. Miscarriage is so hard. You're right: people don't talk about it, really, so websites, books, and, sometimes, even doctors, make it seem like it's so small, but it's not.
ReplyDeleteThe Friday before Mother's Day, we found out we were pregnant on our first try. Ecstatic. Thursday before Father's Day, we went in for our second ultrasound, and they could not find a heartbeat. I tried to miscarry naturally, but my body refused, so, after two weeks, we induced the miscarriage. We were only nine weeks alone. I'd be 30 weeks, now. It was one of the hardest things I've ever experienced--physically, emotionally, the whole ball park. It breaks my heart to hear when anyone else has had to go through that.
I'm so sorry.
Praying that you get that second plus sign, soon! What a blessing that will be!!! :]
Thank you, Sarah! I'm sorry for your loss. I really appreciate you sharing your story. It really helps to know that I'm not alone. I hope it helps you too. Sending hugs your way!
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