Miscarriage Sucks

Goodness! I just don't know where to start with this. I guess the beginning...

I had a Ob/Gyn appointment scheduled for last Wednesday, the 8th, to see what was going on. We had been trying for 6 months and no results. Because my period was due to start in only 2 days, I thought I should take a pregnancy test that morning....just in case. I was sitting on the bathroom floor waiting for the test to process. It looked like nothing had come of it, so I stood up to throw it away. That's when I noticed the faintest pink line. Positive! I was so excited! It was super early, but positive was positive.

It was so early, in fact, that the urine test at the doctor's office was negative. They drew blood to test for sure and called me the following morning to tell me that I was definitely pregnant and that my progesterone levels were FABULOUS!

I started thinking about a nursery, brainstorming fun ways to tell you guys, browsing the internet for cute maternity clothes, and all that fun stuff.

Then, Tuesday night, I went to the bathroom before bed and noticed some spotting. I was so scared. Josh & I did a lot of tossing, turning, and praying that night. I called the doctor first thing Wednesday morning and they had me come in for another blood test. My doctor told me he wasn't worried. It was probably just implantation bleeding. He wouldn't be concerned unless it was bright red and heavy, like a period. I tried to think postively. I went home and read and drank tea, watched a movie. Then came the bright red and heavy.

You guys, I only knew I was pregnant for a week. It really doesn't get easier. My heart was broken. Josh was at work and there was nothing he could do, so I waited until he got home to tell him. In the meantime, I called my Mom and cried. She came over and cried with me. I felt like my body had betrayed me and that I had let everyone down.

I'm not sure what to do next. I have waves of sadness that wash over me and crying spells. My body is confused as the hormones try to figure themselves out. My face is breaking out and my hips ache. I'm trying to pretend that it's just a period, but I know it's not.

I'm trying to look on the bright side, but it's very hard to find at the moment. I'm glad it happened earlier this time, so I don't have to have a D&C again. I'm truly blessed that I have a family that loves me and takes care of me when I need them. I'm so grateful that everyone at work is so understanding and allows me to take the time I need to recover. That's all the positive I can see at the moment.

Thursday, I went and had my mullet cut off. It looks so much better and I love seeing my stylist, Ali, so that helped.

I know it's hard to see with my winter coat. Sorry!

Satch hasn't left my side. He presses his forehead against mine and snuggles in to make me feel better. He's being extra cute too.

I had lots of post ideas for this week that didn't happen. I promise to get back to it soon. I know you understand.